LEAST FAVORITE WORDS FOR $600 ALEX....

When I started writing this blog entry, I actually had about 5 paragraphs written and then just as fast as you can say "Let your chain hang low", I deleted it all, never to see it again. Why? Because a new thought popped in my head and the thought of having a chance to elaborate on this intrigued me. See, when I write on this blog, all I do is type. I don't think. I just let my fingers roll across the keyboard and hope they write something logical. I don't consider myself a great writer. I consider myself a great bull-shitter and that's fine with me. In the end, it gets the job done. So what is this topic that I deleted 30 minutes worth of rambling for? It's actually just one word, but it's a word that I can't stand: disappointment.

So what it is about this word that makes me want to write a whole blog entry arond it? Well, a lot actually. I just went through a two-month ordeal that drained the hell out of me and really made me think about this. I try hard not to disappoint people. Yea, it's a lofty goal because it's impossible to please everyone but when I see disappoint in people's faces, it hurts me inside because life is too short to fill it with disappointment. It could be disappointment in yourself, in someone else, in the President, the world, whatever. Whatever it is, it tears away at your body and your soul. Well for me, the disappointment came from others, but it was in me. And though they may not admit it, I know they were. And as I saw it in their eyes, I felt terrible inside because all that I had strived for was getting thrown at me like a cannonball to the face. PAINFUL. I did a lot of soul searching over those two months and found out a lot about myself. And now as I look back at it, I am so glad that it happened.

See, the thing about disappointment for me is that is just leaves this feeling of emptiness, this thirst that has yet to be quenched. When I disappoint a tour group with my performance or my answer, it hurts because you can see they were yearning for so much more and you didn't fulfill their needs. When I disappoint intramural participants, I actually don't feel too bad for them because well, dems the rules bitch! When I disappoint Southeast Ohio on the TV show though, it does hurt. Honestly, a lot of people in the area tune in just to watch their teams, their sons or just themselves and when we don't produce a quality show to the people that adore us like rock stars, it kills me inside. We do the show for them so when we put through a crappy performance, it makes it seem like we're not giving it all we've got (or in other words, slacking off). That disappointment is a tough one to shake off. Thankfully, there's always next Friday night. When I disappoint co-workers, this also gets to me because as I garner more responsibility, I have more people looking to me for answers and results. When I can't give that to them, it makes me look like someone who doesn' take their job seriously. And though this is NOT the case, it reflcects on me that way.

But the worst type of disappointment is when I disappointment my own family and friends. The people that I cherish and turn to when I'm in need of anything. The people I would be nowhere without. Yea, some are stronger than others but all are considered friends for life. Disappointing these people is tough because I know as a friend/family member, one should NEVER disappoint. Unfortunately, I failed at this and for that, I am/was truly sorry. But as I reflected, I thought of all the good that came out of this. I found out who my true friends were. I challenged myself as a friend for probably the first time of my life. I turned to people that I had never turned to before. I found a whole new support system and it was great. The initial disappointment was tough but there was a silver lining.

So what does all this babble mean? Not much actually, but it does bring up a point. I hate disappointment and I want to strive to never disappoint anyone in any fashion. If I begin to do that though, call me out on it please because it's always easier to strive toward something when you've got some help along the way from the people you care about.

To end this pointless post, I just wanna encourage everyone to watch the new season of Survivor. Yea, it's reality TV but so is that crap they call Laguna Beach! Anyways, this season should be good and I think a lot of people would benefit from watching this season. Thanks for reading this post and you know, I'll try to not only make them better but more useful to you as I go along. It's been a long time since I've really had time to just sit and write something truly reflective so if it seemed a little scatterbrained you should understand. For now though, it's time for me to depart. HAKUNA MATATA!